So here I am, Monday morning with exactly 3 weeks left and I don't have a definite place to go yet. I was interviewed by a woman yesterday with an 8-yr old autistic son. I don't want to go there. The living quarters are tiny and I have an apartment's worth of things. I wouldn't mind so much, if not for my cats, that would be forced to live in a 12x12 room 24/7 and that's just not fair to them. They're moving too, and I care just as much, if not more, about their comfort. They are my kids and that's a mom's job, right?? The woman is also a speed-talker, couldn't get a word in edge-wise - however, I've worked with autistic kids before and I could handle it. I saw a picture of him and he's adorable. The job is fairly easy to, as there's no housekeeping involved or anything like that - hours are good, and I have a place to stay. Beggars can't be choosers, right? I have another interview today for a family from Alexandria. They seem really nice, my cats are welcome; they have a 1 year old baby - back to the diaper world which I'm not thrilled about because I've had to change diapers for over 25 years and I'm burnt out on babies. That's not as mean as it sounds. Parents have babies but then they grow up - they don't raise just babies forever - they get to experience raising their children at every age level, not just one age. Constantly taking care of babies for all these years gets to be difficult - you get tired of the age, regardless of how cute they are. I'm 42 - it was a lot more fun in my 20's. It's not just the fact that they have a baby, though that's bothering me. Moving so far from Richmond when I have only one friend here - but a good friend - is hard. All my friends are in NY - except for the one here - and now I'll be leaving her, too. Without a car and a way of getting around, plus working privately for a family,stuck in a house all day, there's no chance of making new friends. What kind of life is this for me?
If I don't find a place to live within the next 3 weeks, this family will think nothing of dumping my stuff on the street and saying get out! They're completely capable of it. What am I going to do?
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
19 Days
I have 19 days left to live where I'm currently living. That's it. 19 days and my life will be uprooted once more: the 4th time in 8 months.
Up until November 2009, I lived in my own apartment (after having my own place for 8 years in NY) and enjoyed my freedom and independence living on my own, with my own car, a fully-furnished small townhouse home and my two adorable, amazing cats. In June, 2008, my world came crashing down. I finished a job that lasted 3 years because my contract was up, and due to reasons I'll talk about later, I was no longer able to work in the field of teaching. No more teacher's salary, no more health benefits, and more struggles to pay my bills. Two years of going through different jobs and struggling was pure hell but I managed to hold onto my apt. and my car. Then a "friend" was moving out of her condo, into a home. She wanted a "friend" to move into her condo to keep it safe with a tenant she knew and to earn money from rent. Great. It was a bit bigger than mine, though it was a half-basement apt. which I'd soon learn came to be a bit depressing. So I packed up - not an easy chore - and moved into this condo, after 6 years of my own place,where I barely had troubles and was fairly happy. Well because of the stupid economy, the pre-school I worked at had low enrollment and lay-offs. After 6 months of living in this "friend's" condo, I was told I had to leave because she was getting tired of late rent - and when I lost my job, and the threat of no rent was looming - well, I can't say that I blame her - however, I do blame her for giving me only 10 days' notice. Yes, you read that right - 10 freaking days! Because of my inability to pay rent at this crucial time in my life, I was forced to become a live-in nanny. So move number 2 was underway. I move into a house with a single woman and her 3 boys from 3 different relationships. The house was filthy, it was infested with ants and her kids were being raised without discipline or rules. They slept where they wanted, went to bed whenever they wanted, and dinner was made around 9 at night, when their mother felt like getting off the internet. I was miserable - so were my cats. The bathroom was disgusting - it smelled putred and the floors were so sticky, it was nauseating. Why did I move into this hellacious house? When you have 10 days to find a place to live, you'll go anywhere. Needless to say, I looked for something else immediately and found something - too good to be true as is being proven right now.
I find another family. 5 minutes from where I currently am. It's a mother-daughter house and I would have my own little apartment within the house. Perfect! My cats would be welcome. Even more perfect. School-aged children and no diapers! Excellent. Nice, sweet kids (originally) and very nice parents. Well, the mother was the parent, and she lives with her boyfriend - but nice people. At my interview, we laughed and talked like old friends and I thought, OMG, how did I get so luck and fortunate to find them? They even moved me in, without the expense of my having to rent a truck. Nice people, I was so happy. The move was made and in the beginning all was great. It was room and board in exchange for working, plus a little bit of money each month - not a lot, but enough to tide me over till I could find something to make additional money. I was told initially that they were italian, they'd never let me go hungry, they'd be there for me, they didn't want me to live like a stranger in their house, all these wonderful things. This was June, 2010. Two weeks into living here, I only ventured out while I was working. I was ignored, otherwise and made to feel like an intrusion everytime I walked into the shared kitchen or to get the phone in the kitchen which was also shared. The woman ran hot and cold on me. Sometimes very sweet and even let me borrow her truck on occassion, as I moved here with my car, but very shortly afterwards, had to give it up for financial reasons. Most of the time to this day, she ignores me, most especially on weekends. She pays me so little and when I do get paid, it's spent on medications, pet food, food for me for a couple of days and there's not a lot left over. She gets paid twice per month and I have to remind her to pay me, as she conveniently forgets. I starve most of the time. It's not a good, healthy situation at all. Nothing is offered to me, I don't have money and I don't have a car. I've eaten their food and I "think" I'm allowed because I think she just assumes I'll help myself - and I think it's ok, but I only do this when they're not home, because I'm hungry most of the time. Just a crazy situation here.
On Labor Day, she tells me that her grandparents lost their home and she needs to move them in. She gave me 40 days to get out. OMG!!! Move number 4. How much can I take???? I have 19 days left and I still don't have a firm place to go. An interview today, one on Tuesday, both for families I don't really want to go to - and if I treat it temporary like I did the place before this one, that will make move number 5. I want to go back to NY more than anything - but that takes money, a place to live and a job - none of which I have right now. I pray to God I find the right family before my time is up here in less than 3 weeks. I will be glad to leave here, in that the family doesn't treat me well - but I am also upset to leave, as the living conditions were ideal - apartment-wise - and my cats were welcome and comfortable here. If you're wondering, I'm a huge animal lover and my cats are my children. It is not an option to give them up or anything like that. It would be like giving up human children and I can't bear that!
So I haven't even started packing yet, but I will probably next weekend. I have nothing but time on my hands and I imagine two full days ought to do it. Mind you, I'm not packing up a house, and though I have a lot of things, putting them in boxes and bags won't take all that long. Plus everytime I move, I seem to get rid of more and more. So much for the instinctual pack-rat in me.
This is mind-blowing to me, considering I didn't grow up on the move. I was born in Queens and moved to Long Island at 1 1/2 years of age. I lived in that very house until I was 27. My parents STILL live there. When I moved out, I lived in the apartment I took for 8 years. After moving to Richmond, I lived in my new apartment for over 6 years. Now I'm moving for the 4th time in less than a year and it's pathetic.
So do I have bad karma? Am I going through something that was destined for me to experience? Do I have any purpose in this life? Will I teach again and live a normal life? I guess it's obvious by now, I'm quite single and do not have kids so I'm in this alone. My family knows what's going on - in a way - but there's so much they don't know because I spare them the majority of my problems. I need guidance. Help. Someone to talk to. This is all that I've told my friends that they're sick of hearing about. Living arrangements, financial problems, lack of car, you name it, I'm going through it. Surely I'm not alone. Anyone out there experiencing anything like this? 19 more days....and I don't know where I'll be.
Up until November 2009, I lived in my own apartment (after having my own place for 8 years in NY) and enjoyed my freedom and independence living on my own, with my own car, a fully-furnished small townhouse home and my two adorable, amazing cats. In June, 2008, my world came crashing down. I finished a job that lasted 3 years because my contract was up, and due to reasons I'll talk about later, I was no longer able to work in the field of teaching. No more teacher's salary, no more health benefits, and more struggles to pay my bills. Two years of going through different jobs and struggling was pure hell but I managed to hold onto my apt. and my car. Then a "friend" was moving out of her condo, into a home. She wanted a "friend" to move into her condo to keep it safe with a tenant she knew and to earn money from rent. Great. It was a bit bigger than mine, though it was a half-basement apt. which I'd soon learn came to be a bit depressing. So I packed up - not an easy chore - and moved into this condo, after 6 years of my own place,where I barely had troubles and was fairly happy. Well because of the stupid economy, the pre-school I worked at had low enrollment and lay-offs. After 6 months of living in this "friend's" condo, I was told I had to leave because she was getting tired of late rent - and when I lost my job, and the threat of no rent was looming - well, I can't say that I blame her - however, I do blame her for giving me only 10 days' notice. Yes, you read that right - 10 freaking days! Because of my inability to pay rent at this crucial time in my life, I was forced to become a live-in nanny. So move number 2 was underway. I move into a house with a single woman and her 3 boys from 3 different relationships. The house was filthy, it was infested with ants and her kids were being raised without discipline or rules. They slept where they wanted, went to bed whenever they wanted, and dinner was made around 9 at night, when their mother felt like getting off the internet. I was miserable - so were my cats. The bathroom was disgusting - it smelled putred and the floors were so sticky, it was nauseating. Why did I move into this hellacious house? When you have 10 days to find a place to live, you'll go anywhere. Needless to say, I looked for something else immediately and found something - too good to be true as is being proven right now.
I find another family. 5 minutes from where I currently am. It's a mother-daughter house and I would have my own little apartment within the house. Perfect! My cats would be welcome. Even more perfect. School-aged children and no diapers! Excellent. Nice, sweet kids (originally) and very nice parents. Well, the mother was the parent, and she lives with her boyfriend - but nice people. At my interview, we laughed and talked like old friends and I thought, OMG, how did I get so luck and fortunate to find them? They even moved me in, without the expense of my having to rent a truck. Nice people, I was so happy. The move was made and in the beginning all was great. It was room and board in exchange for working, plus a little bit of money each month - not a lot, but enough to tide me over till I could find something to make additional money. I was told initially that they were italian, they'd never let me go hungry, they'd be there for me, they didn't want me to live like a stranger in their house, all these wonderful things. This was June, 2010. Two weeks into living here, I only ventured out while I was working. I was ignored, otherwise and made to feel like an intrusion everytime I walked into the shared kitchen or to get the phone in the kitchen which was also shared. The woman ran hot and cold on me. Sometimes very sweet and even let me borrow her truck on occassion, as I moved here with my car, but very shortly afterwards, had to give it up for financial reasons. Most of the time to this day, she ignores me, most especially on weekends. She pays me so little and when I do get paid, it's spent on medications, pet food, food for me for a couple of days and there's not a lot left over. She gets paid twice per month and I have to remind her to pay me, as she conveniently forgets. I starve most of the time. It's not a good, healthy situation at all. Nothing is offered to me, I don't have money and I don't have a car. I've eaten their food and I "think" I'm allowed because I think she just assumes I'll help myself - and I think it's ok, but I only do this when they're not home, because I'm hungry most of the time. Just a crazy situation here.
On Labor Day, she tells me that her grandparents lost their home and she needs to move them in. She gave me 40 days to get out. OMG!!! Move number 4. How much can I take???? I have 19 days left and I still don't have a firm place to go. An interview today, one on Tuesday, both for families I don't really want to go to - and if I treat it temporary like I did the place before this one, that will make move number 5. I want to go back to NY more than anything - but that takes money, a place to live and a job - none of which I have right now. I pray to God I find the right family before my time is up here in less than 3 weeks. I will be glad to leave here, in that the family doesn't treat me well - but I am also upset to leave, as the living conditions were ideal - apartment-wise - and my cats were welcome and comfortable here. If you're wondering, I'm a huge animal lover and my cats are my children. It is not an option to give them up or anything like that. It would be like giving up human children and I can't bear that!
So I haven't even started packing yet, but I will probably next weekend. I have nothing but time on my hands and I imagine two full days ought to do it. Mind you, I'm not packing up a house, and though I have a lot of things, putting them in boxes and bags won't take all that long. Plus everytime I move, I seem to get rid of more and more. So much for the instinctual pack-rat in me.
This is mind-blowing to me, considering I didn't grow up on the move. I was born in Queens and moved to Long Island at 1 1/2 years of age. I lived in that very house until I was 27. My parents STILL live there. When I moved out, I lived in the apartment I took for 8 years. After moving to Richmond, I lived in my new apartment for over 6 years. Now I'm moving for the 4th time in less than a year and it's pathetic.
So do I have bad karma? Am I going through something that was destined for me to experience? Do I have any purpose in this life? Will I teach again and live a normal life? I guess it's obvious by now, I'm quite single and do not have kids so I'm in this alone. My family knows what's going on - in a way - but there's so much they don't know because I spare them the majority of my problems. I need guidance. Help. Someone to talk to. This is all that I've told my friends that they're sick of hearing about. Living arrangements, financial problems, lack of car, you name it, I'm going through it. Surely I'm not alone. Anyone out there experiencing anything like this? 19 more days....and I don't know where I'll be.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
My First Blog!
I don't know if I'll have any followers. I hope people out there will find me. Never thought I would be one to blog about my personal life but when in Rome...
I have lots of negative things going on in my life without a real support system. I'm 42 and left NY almost 7 years ago. I left my parents, my sister, and most of all, my two precious nephews, not to mention my friends. I never had a lot of friends, but I've been blessed with some very good friends. What the hell was I thinking? I'm hoping to find out through self-discovery and introspection. For the last couple of years, I've been positive that moving here was a mistake...but was it? I don't know. Where is 'here'? Virginia. The last place I ever imagined spending my life. I question by decision every single day. I'm unhappy and I don't know how I let things get this bad. My parents love me but I have major issues with them, and for reasons too personal to say, I can't discuss my unhappiness with them. I protect them from the stresses of my life. Sometimes I don't know why I do that. But that's for another blog entry.
My reason and hope for this blog is to have a place to vent. I am learning that constantly venting/complaining to my friends can't last too long if I expect to keep them as friends. They've been very patient with me for so long but two of them already have expressed frustration with my constant worries, problems and fears. I figure, I like to write, why not blow off some steam and have a place to vent, even if no one ever reads this but myself. Perhaps I'll surprise myself by learning something about myself. Perhaps I'll find I have more strength than I think I have. Perhaps I will see why my friends are getting so frustrated with only hearing negativity from me. Keeping bad things locked inside is not healthy, everyone knows that. I have tried hand-written diaries several times in my life and I always give up on it or let extreme amounts of time go by before I write again. I can only say this is a new form of trying once again, to help myself vent.
This won't all be bad, doom-n-gloom type stuff. I can talk about the happier times, share funny, memorable moments and figure out how to get back to feeling the way I did when those moments happened. I can talk about the people in my life and what affect they've had on me. You are the product of whom you were raised by and who you chose to associate yourself with throughout your life. These people have shaped who you are - everyone. Figuring out what each of these people have meant to me may help me with my road to self-discovery.
So welcome to my blog. If by some happenstance, you've found this blog and it intrigues you in any way, or you can commiserate, relate or just are plain interested, please leave a comment - I need a support system and chances are, if you've found me, perhaps you need one too. I will try and write every day. I hope this helps...running out of creative ways to keep my mind sane! Tune in tomorrow - the problems of my life will soon be on the net for the world to see!
I have lots of negative things going on in my life without a real support system. I'm 42 and left NY almost 7 years ago. I left my parents, my sister, and most of all, my two precious nephews, not to mention my friends. I never had a lot of friends, but I've been blessed with some very good friends. What the hell was I thinking? I'm hoping to find out through self-discovery and introspection. For the last couple of years, I've been positive that moving here was a mistake...but was it? I don't know. Where is 'here'? Virginia. The last place I ever imagined spending my life. I question by decision every single day. I'm unhappy and I don't know how I let things get this bad. My parents love me but I have major issues with them, and for reasons too personal to say, I can't discuss my unhappiness with them. I protect them from the stresses of my life. Sometimes I don't know why I do that. But that's for another blog entry.
My reason and hope for this blog is to have a place to vent. I am learning that constantly venting/complaining to my friends can't last too long if I expect to keep them as friends. They've been very patient with me for so long but two of them already have expressed frustration with my constant worries, problems and fears. I figure, I like to write, why not blow off some steam and have a place to vent, even if no one ever reads this but myself. Perhaps I'll surprise myself by learning something about myself. Perhaps I'll find I have more strength than I think I have. Perhaps I will see why my friends are getting so frustrated with only hearing negativity from me. Keeping bad things locked inside is not healthy, everyone knows that. I have tried hand-written diaries several times in my life and I always give up on it or let extreme amounts of time go by before I write again. I can only say this is a new form of trying once again, to help myself vent.
This won't all be bad, doom-n-gloom type stuff. I can talk about the happier times, share funny, memorable moments and figure out how to get back to feeling the way I did when those moments happened. I can talk about the people in my life and what affect they've had on me. You are the product of whom you were raised by and who you chose to associate yourself with throughout your life. These people have shaped who you are - everyone. Figuring out what each of these people have meant to me may help me with my road to self-discovery.
So welcome to my blog. If by some happenstance, you've found this blog and it intrigues you in any way, or you can commiserate, relate or just are plain interested, please leave a comment - I need a support system and chances are, if you've found me, perhaps you need one too. I will try and write every day. I hope this helps...running out of creative ways to keep my mind sane! Tune in tomorrow - the problems of my life will soon be on the net for the world to see!
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